Baby Proof vs. 80 Proof

Is it too much to ask that someone invent baby toys to match my decor? 

Last week we had the baby proofing company come out and give us an estimate.  Prior to my walk through with Ken from Family First Baby Proofing, I thought that our house was pretty safe for the Muffin Man.  I knew we would have to put gates across our stairs, and some covers on the electrical outlets, but I assumed that would pretty much cover it (no pun intended).  Boy was I wrong.  It turns out that our home is basically a baby death trap.  The beautiful wood with which I filled our non-working fireplace is a trip to the ER for a splinter in the eye.  My perfectly styled bookshelves are a head injury waiting to happen.  And my glass coffee table that I just finished repainting?  It has to go before an overzealous child banging some sort of hideous plastic toy causes it to shatter.

As I've mentioned here before, I love interior design.  I'm a voracious reader of design blogs and House Beautiful.  I enjoy finding trash at flea markets and garage sales and transforming it into treasures.  I'm a big sucker for Craigslist and will drive 100 miles if it means getting a mint condition mid-century modern credenza for fifty bucks.  Unfortunately, it turns out that at least three of my favorite pieces are not child friendly, which means I'm going to have to sacrifice my design aesthetic in favor of Noah's health.  So now my home will not only be filled with an assortment of plastic toys/swings/jumperoos in heinous primary colors, but it will also have foam padding halfway up both sides of my fireplace, no coffee tables, and be lacking a bar cart.

It's this last one that really gets to me, folks, because it means I'm going to have to walk all the way to the kitchen to mix myself a cocktail at the end of a long day, and after sixteen rounds of the Wheels on the Bus sometimes that's just more than a Mommy can handle.